Monday, July 18, 2011

Learning from Communication

Sometimes, we are side-swiped by events.  When things catch us off guard, instead of being reactionary, we should try to pause and consider the situation.  This happened to me last night - a communication went awry and left me feeling frustrated, hurt and disrespected.  I went for a walk... a very long walk to cool off.  After composing myself, I did one of my usual 3-Rune draws around the idea of communication or, better still, miscommunication and how to address it in a mindful way.

Nauthiz, the Rune of Constraint, provided the overview for this situation.  I found this Rune particularly interesting, because, although it is the Rune of Constraint, it also tells us not to take things so personally.  In essence, if we don't take things so personally, there will be less cause to have to show constraint.  Beyond that, Nauthiz reminds us to check our shadow behaviors, those areas on which we need to work.  For me in this instance, it was projecting what I believe to be the correct way to handle the situation that arose last night.  While I still believe that my approach to the situation is the correct one, I accept the fact that not everyone shares this view.  Sometimes the best communication is observation and consideration.

The challenge for me in this circumstance is to realize that everything has a process, including the way people communicate in any given situation.  Jera, the Rune of the Harvest, was the perfect Rune to draw second.  It is important to remember how much progress has been made in this area and realize that there will be bumps, some bigger than others, in the road to improving communication.  It will come if we are patient.

Of course, as we are talking about learning from and improving communication, we have to appreciate the final draw, the action, Othila reversed.  This Rune of Separation offers a tantalizing dichotomy in that it suggests that, "We do without doing and things get done."  This indicates that I should let the incident pass and it will work itself out without my interference.  However, it also suggests that total honesty is required.  If I am to be totally honest, I can't sit by and do nothing.  Addressing the issue directly with the other person not only makes me feel better, but, if done tactfully, helps the other person to grow and realize that what they did, although unintentional, was not cool and left me feeling pretty crappy.  So, which is it tell or don't tell?

1 comment:

  1. I think you tell. Even if it was unintentional, which often times it is, you can share with the person how it made you feel. They probably have no idea that you're feeling this way and they might learn from it and avoid the situation the next time. My Mom always says you can't be offended if you don't take offense. Easier said than done, but, if you take a moment to think about why the other person did whatever it was they did, you usually find no intent. You just have to find the right time to bring it up.